it's the fall 2016 unless you live under a rock you likely found yourself in the middle of a heated political debate nice outfit by the way they are doing everything you can to avoid one that's right our latest research shows that wear our t-shirts and front yard signs once proudly campaign for the candidate of our choice in this election we're choosing to lay low and bide our time overall people feel the 2016 election is more polarizing and volatile than ever before 13 have been a cat insulted or called names and 14 have had a political discussion her relationship and while our in-state may tell us to avoid talking politics at all costs our latest research shows you don't actually have to go silent or become the victim of someone's verbal tirade even when your opinion is the polar opposite of their did you just say you could disagree with someone and still be friends with them you heard me right it's whether you agree or disagree with another person's political position matters much less than how you state your opinion those who used for simple skills to discuss politics or a hundred and forty percent more persuasive and likely to stand dialogue and a hundred and eighty percent more likely to stay friends long after the election on the other hand those who do not use the four skills were labeled abrasive unlikable and ignorant and these labels held true even when the observers have the same opinion as the unskilled individual wait did I hear you right on this one's yep even when you agree if you do so in a disagreeable way you're alienating friends in ruining relationships so let's review these four simple skills and get you on your way to safe and productive dialogue no men after the tough issue the key to successful political discussions is to make it safe for others to not only hear you but share their own ideas with that in mind the first skill is to focus on learning frame your discussion as a chance to learn from each other not to change each other's minds simply being curious about another position is sufficient motivation to engage but if you Harbor a hope of converting the other person you'll be tempted to become manipulative or coercive focusing on learning may sound like I know what I think about immigration but i'm curious about why you feel so differently would you be open to sharing your position with me second ask for permission after explaining that you are trying to change the other person's mind or attack their position ask for permission to talk about the sensitive topic asking permission gives others a sense of control that reduces defensive pneus that may sound like I'm not wanting a debate and I'm not trying to change your mind i just want to understand i see this issue very differently would it be okay if I explain my perspective third show respect respect is like air if you take it away it's all people can think about others will not engage with you if they don't feel respected by you set the stage by over communicating your respect for the other person and his or her opinion say something like I value you and your perspective I want to hear from you I don't assume i'm right and lastly focus on common ground look for areas of agreement rather than to disagreement if or when the conversation takes a more dramatic turn look for the greater principle governing both opinions and you'll likely find a mutual purpose behind your conviction say things like I want to find the goals we share and then look at the issue with those goals in mind remember you actually can talk politics with friends and still have some left the key is not to agree or avoid the topic altogether its use for simple skills to share your opinion safely now if only we could get the candidates to begin using these skills i think we could just send a link now let's do that ok this message paid for by citizens to resurrect Lincoln