[Music] I've worked at the same company for the last 24 years in the maintenance engineering and purchasing areas originally I come to Johnsonville State two or three months and it wasn't that long I went from the second job that search out to the fourth job and I my job number nine now and it's all based on I imagine the last one based on the personality change I was told I had 90 days I was on probation and I had a stop the negative behavior and predominantly ever get frustrated or I would get angry and I would fall I was rolling over people to get the task done because the task was more important than the relationship I took anger management classes but they more or less dealt with when you get angry I had to keep from getting angry it was probably hardest for me to realize that relationships were as important as they were upper managers took the class first secondly it was supposed to be next level managers but my coach decided that I needed to have the class before that so I started the class and shortly thereafter I called into his office because of my frequent blow ups the people he told me I had 90 days to fix my problem I had realized that there were times I didn't like myself that much either after something I'd done after I blown up so I thought it might have been a signal that maybe it's time maybe it's time for you to look at the behavior piece the knowledge piece is fine is the beta piece that's the issue I had a very rough childhood my dad was very stern so I had built a wall a mental wall you isolate yourself from hurt so if you don't get involved with somebody if you don't connect with them they don't have a way of hurting you but you don't experience a lot of the choices [Music] you tend to observe people you will get people that will run away when they see you coming they will email you they will text you but they don't want to talk to you I had to make a drastic personality change it has to be a inside change it can't be a superficial change one of the hardest things I've probably ever done in my world it's not easy but soon I realized that it was working people treated me different I without the frequent blow ups I was they were coming to me I was the person they wanted to come and talk to what I started to realize after taking the class was that a person's face had a lot to tell me if I choose to look at it I could see if they were happy but there were a number of times where I would see something in their face that told me I violated it and I'm back up say I'm sorry did I do something to upset you that's not something I would have ever done before when you make them more important you start to realize that you're actually using two minds not just one because if all you're doing is tasks without relationship usually not thinking about anybody else you're maybe not asking other people for ideas and that's what Crucial Conversations actually taught me you know you look at yourself in the mirror and you like the person that you see you maybe not have a great day at work I mean I like my job overall but there are days I think the change has come from inside I see other people respect me or so than they did before I changed so much that my wife of 30 years no longer know how to react not only did I like myself better she liked me too [Music] you