[Music] ding-ding-ding-ding-ding we asked 1400 people if you could say anything you want to anyone with no consequences what would you say to the woman in the cube next to me you smell like cat urine you are deficient in what you are doing is illegal and unethical stop blaming headquarters for decisions to my husband it's time for us to consider going our separate ways alarmingly 56% said they had these concerns and locked up in their vaults for over a year and some for a decade so here's some BS you can use most of us think these problems are just too scary to discuss so we don't our respondents were worried that if they spoke up they would suffer retribution an emotional scene or loss of a friendship that's right but notice what they aren't describing as a potential outcome did you hear it okay what you're not hearing is the risks of not speaking up the reason we so predictably suffer in silence is because when we think about risks we only think of the risks of speaking up and give little thought to the risks of not speaking up we suffer under the naive belief that silence is safe but it's not you see when it comes to crucial conversations you have only two choices talk it out or act it out for example one manager wanted to say this to his assistant you're lying and backbiting has made me not trust you or believe a word you say you have created a hostile work environment with your fake sugar sweet kindness tinged with sarcasm and bullying to everyone why would that be so hard how do you think these concerns are showing up in his managers behavior avoidance overreaction gossip tolerating underperformance workarounds you name it if he's not talking it out he's acting it out in a dozen different ways here's the big idea the best way to instantly change how you deal with the scariest concerns in your life is to stop fooling yourself about the risks yes do the draw a line down the middle of a sheet of paper on the Left list all the risks of speaking up on the right list all the risks of not speaking up then make your decision it may be that you don't need to lock your fault and throw away the key you simply need an honest risk assessment I'm Joseph grant and I'm David Maxfield and that's all the BS for today sharpen your behavioral science skills by subscribing to our channel for our latest videos and updates click here to subscribe where we always promise to share some BS you can use I talked to a doctor one time that was literally giving up his practice and moving five states away rather than confront a colleague I talked to a manager who took a sabbatical and moved across country so they'd have to rent out their house to get their 18 year old to move out of people